The Council of Elrond: Reality Check
by stanzaic
Summary: In which Gimli plays a name game, Elrond gets pissed, and Gondor wins an argument. Crack!fic. If pure unchecked stupidity causes you agony, don't read.


**A/N:** Again, if you're a diehard fan, don't read this, for your own health. And again, if you love flaming, I oh-so-gracefully invite your lovely flames. I re-watched all three LOTR recently and watched a couple of Council of Elrond redone videos on YouTube, so that's where this came from. Well, that's where the idea came from. Where most of this came from in my mind, I don't know. O_o Oh, and the "don't raze me, bro" line came from another parody I read. (: It wasn't LOTR.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own LOTR, thank God.

**Warning:** If pure unchecked stupidity and the like causes you agony, makes you vomit, makes you scream, makes you roll down grassy knolls, makes you run up and down the street, makes you smash vases over your head, makes you flame me, don't read this. Thanks.

* * *

**The Council of Elrond: Reality Check**

_In which Gimli plays a name game, Elrond gets pissed, and Gondor wins an argument._

_

* * *

_

Everyone got a letter in the mail two hours after Frodo arrived in Rivendell.

**Elrond:** What can I say? My magic-y healing powers rock! (:

**Narrator:** Shut it, Frowny Face.

**Elrond:** *frowns*

A lot of people that were journeying toward Rivendell then met in the Post Office. Middle-Earth only has a couple of Post Offices, see, and the other one was in the middle of Mordor. The only one that was stupid enough to check his mail in that postbox (Boromir) had some problems when he came back. Nobody knows what happened there...

**Post Office in Mordor:** MWAHAHAHAHAHA

**Boromir:** I'm not stupid. :(

And now everyone is sitting down in random chairs in a random circle that happens to be out in the middle of the courtyard in the center of Rivendell. So everyone else can listen in.

**Elrond:** *stands up* Frodo got the bad Ring. Yeah. *sits down*

**Gandalf:** It is truly terrible!

**Boromir:** No it's not. It's a gift!

**Gimli:** Let's play a name game.

They decide to put the meeting on hold so they can play Gimli's game. He somehow produces a beach ball and explain how to play.

**Gimli:** Okay, so every time you hit the ball to someone, you have to say their name. Lord Elrond! *throws it at Elrond*

**Elrond:** *falls over* What?

**Gimli:** Never mind. Just throw it to that Elf over there, the sexy one.

**Legolas:** *tosses hair*

**Elrond:** But I don't know his name.

**Legolas:** Everyone knows _my_ name! I am Legolas, son of some long name that starts with a T! I am a Prince of Mirkwood!

**Elrond:** ...

**Gimli:** Just throw the damn beach ball!

**Elrond:** *throws beach ball at Legolas*

**Legolas:** *misses and the beach ball bounces away into a random forest*

**Gimli:** O_o

They decide now to sit back down in their chairs and start the meeting over. But why? Because they like long boring things!

**Elrond:** *stands up again* Frodo the Halfling has the big bad Ring of Old. Yeah. *sits down*

**Gandalf:** It is truly terrible!

**Boromir:** No it's not. It's a gift!

**Aragorn:** Um, may I please be excused?

There is an annoyed/shocked silence for a couple of seconds.

**Elrond:** *frowning* For what?

**Aragorn:** *blushes* Um, nothing.

**Arwen:** *from the bushes* Psst! Aragorn! Over here!

**Aragorn:** Are you sure I can't be excused?

**Elrond:** Arwen, go home!

**Arwen:** Damn. *leaves*

They decide to start the meeting over again. Which is really irritating!

**Elrond:** *stands up* Frodo got the damn Ring! *sits down*

**Gandalf:** It sucks!

**Boromir:** It's awesome!

**Frodo:** I have to pee.

**Elrond:** HOLD IT! :|

**Frodo:** ...

They start over. Which is really not all that surprising.

**Elrond:** *doesn't bother standing up* Frodo got the frackin' Ring so we're gonna go destroy it! Yeah!

**Gandalf:** The Ring must be destroyed!

**Elrond:** I just said that, dipwad.

**Gandalf:** :(

**Boromir:** But Gondor needs it!

**Gondor:** No I don't. You're crazy.

**Boromir:** Am not!

**Gondor:** Are too!

**Boromir:** Am not!

**Gondor:** Are too!

**Boromir:** Am not!

**Gondor:** Are too!

**Boromir:** Am not!

**Gondor:** Are too!

**Boromir:** Am not!

**Gondor:** Are too!

**Elrond:** SHUT UP!

**Boromir:** :/

**Gondor:** xD

**Elrond:** That still does not solve this matter! Somebody has to take the Ring to Mount Doom so it can be all blowed up and stuff!

**Aragorn:** Lord Elrond...blowed is not a word.

**Elrond:** Don't raze me, bro.

**Aragorn:** O.o

**Gandalf:** *hums a Lady GaGa song in the corner*

**Legolas:** Oh, is that _Alejandro_? *starts to sing* I know that we are young and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore...Alejandro.

**Elrond:** Are those violinists? Get out of here!

**Violinists:** :( *leave*

**Legolas:** *clears throat* Anyway, where were we?

**Gandalf:** By the way, it was _Bad Romance_.

**Elrond:** I AM RUNNING THIS MEETING! NOW WHO'S GONNA TAKE THE RING TO MOUNT DOOM BEFORE I KICK SOMEBODY'S ASS!

**Frodo:** I will. *angsty sigh*

**Aragorn:** I'll go too.

**Gandalf:** Me too.

**Boromir:** Technically Gandalf, you would have to say 'me three.'

**Gimli:** Don't get all technical, Gondorian.

**Gondor:** Don't associate that loser with me!

**Legolas:** I need to re-straighten my hair. Some curls are coming back. Oh no! FRIZZ! *freaks out*

Sigh. Nothing ever gets done here.

**Elrond:** Okay, so that's Gandalf, Aragorn, Frodo, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, and I'm ignoring Gondor, because it can't move.

**Gondor:** ;(

Sam, Merry, and Pippin have been hiding behind convenient random columns in the middle of the courtyard. Sam runs out from behind one now.

**Sam:** I wanna go!

**Elrond:** Yeah, yeah, join the others.

**Merry:** *runs out from behind a column* What's going on? I want to be a part of it!

**Pippin:** *walks out smoking with some long pipe thing* Yo dudes.

**Elrond:** *looks dramatically into the distance* The Fellowship of nine!

**Pippin:** *whispers to Merry* What are we doing?

**Merry:** *snorts* What are you _smoking_?

**Elrond:** You shall be called the Fellowship of the Ring!

**Narrator:** That's original.

**Elrond:** Shut up. Now ya'll are going to leave soon -

**Legolas:** Do we get to take pictures first? For the book of records? *hopeful*

And so the Fellowship of the Ring was begun. It took longer than it supposedly did and apparently nobody else knows of this madness. Or the Post Office in the middle of Mordor.

* * *

Recall the no flames, please. (: And don't blame me for my own idiocy. It just...comes out. :P Haha, thanks for reading! (:


End file.
